Send me a ♚ for my muse’s goodbye letter to yours.

Dear Stiles,

            If you reading this,that means that i am no longer around.You are probably in confusion,anger and pain now, questioning why I did it.Why did I pull the trigger.I am leaving you this letter in an attempt to make you understand why I did it.

When Claudia died a huge part of me died with her.I tried I really tried to seem strong for you.Act as if this was a difficulty we’d get through.But i know I failed.I hit rock bottom and the worst thing is I dragged you down with me.You had to deal with a father with anger issues,drinking issues and severe depression.A father that kept hiring babysitters to take care of you so that he’d stay in the station for hours,trying to distract himself by becoming a workaholic.A father that wasn’t even around when his wife was dying because he did not believe.What I did in the past is hunting me.I kept having nightmares of the day i found you sitting in the waiting room with your head in your hands when your mom died.The way you looked at me with those eyes full of pain and sadness. Words can’t describe how much I hate myself for being such a bad father.I never deserved having a son as brilliant as you or the love of a woman like Claudia.

Recently our relationship got better and honestly I couldn’t be happier.I finally believed and we managed to build a proper father and son relationship.But then something happened. Something I never had the courage to tell you.I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.They said that I only had 3 months to live.Everyday I was trying to think of a way to tell you.But I couldn’t.I just couldn’t.I kept asking if there was a cure  but there was nothing.I could take a certain medication,it would give me an extra month but what was the point? It would only torture me and you further.And this brings me to why I did it.Why I killed myself.As wrong and weird as it may sound I did it for you.I didn’t want to put you through this.To let you watch me get worse everyday,slowly die in front of your eyes.To have you live in fear that the next day may be my last.I just couldn’t.I know that I should have told you.I was a coward.

As hard as it may seem right now I want you to be strong.I need you to be strong.Keep in mind that it will get better.I know I promised i’ll always be there and I intend to keep that promise.I am always going to watch over you.So you better do as I said okay?

I love you so much son.

Never forget that

Your father.